If you’re a Chaminade student who knows the daily pains of the lengthy lunch line and the game of speed-eating that necessarily follows, then you know all about the French Fry options in Café Moe.  There certainly are plenty of options.  Perhaps you’ve talked with friends about your favorite types of fries or requested the cafeteria cooks to add new options—or  maybe you randomly wrote a 1,500 word article about crispy potatoes. No??  Don’t worry: I did!

In honor of the most perfect cafeteria food, I will be ranking all 8 different types of Chaminade Care Moe fries based on a deeply researched and highly scientific process.  I used 5 basic criteria: Amount of Fries Per Boat/Boat to Fry Content Ratio, Seasoning, Potato Content, Dipability and Overall Taste.  Granted, there are some uncontrollable variables that could influence quality—the amount of seasoning which varies per day, the number of fries given by the mom volunteering in the cafeteria, and care with which they had been cooked that day—but for the sake of this article, I will be giving them rankings based on personal experience. As a senior who has bought almost every lunch between today and the first day of freshmen year, I have encountered my fair share of Chaminade fries.  If that doesn’t make me an expert, I don’t know what would.

#1 Crinkle Fries

Amount of Fries per Boat: 9/10

The Crinkle Cut Fries are a great medium size which provide for a quality number of fries within one boat. Depending on the mom working the fry counter, the amount of fries usually exceeds the surface of the boat and is a good bang for your buck.

Seasoning: 4/10

Traditionally, the crinkle cut fries contain very little seasoning, but this is often ok. The strength of these fries in my opinion is the potato content and the dipability, but there is still something to be desired. Salt is suggested for these fries.

Potato Content: 8/10

These fries contain the most potato heavy flavor, next to only the steak fry. It contains just the right amount of potato to the point where the potato isn’t overwhelming. One of my personal favorites.

Dipability: 10/10

In my opinion, the crinkle cut fries take the cake when it comes to their dipability. The potato amount is favorable with any sauce, be it ketchup, barbeque, or even ranch. Their size allows them to fit perfectly into the ketchup holder, granting the right amount of ketchup per fry. When asked about the dipability of the crinkle cut fry, senior Logan Miller said, “I think the crinkle cut fries are one of the most dippable fries out of the ones served. There’s sometimes the situation where you’ll get a loose and flopp crinkle cut fry that’ll get lost in the sauce and you gotta pick it back out, but I think when you don’t have that rare problem, the ability of the crinkle cut fries to be dipped in ketchup is very consistent and easy to do.”

Overall: 8.5/10

When it comes to Chaminade fries, the crinkle cut are one of my all-time favorites. They aren’t too big or too small, and can be perfectly dipped.  The thing that the crinkle fries lack is the seasoning but this can be easily remedied with some added salt.

#2. Shoestring Fries

Amount of Fries per Boat: 8/10

These fries are one of the best in terms of bang for your buck. Because they are small, the amount in the boat is going to be a lot more than that of someone of the bigger fries. Because of this however, some of the moms don’t add as many fries leaving the recipient disappointed.

Seasoning: 10/10

The shoestring fries are A-1 when it comes to seasoning. They provide a flavor that goes beyond just classic, boring potato stick. Sometimes I don’t even use ketchup with these fries, simply because it interferes with the awesome fry seasoning.

Potato Content: 5/10

These fries are small and therefore do no contain as much potato. On days when there are overcooked, you might not even know there’s potato in them.

Dipability: 2/10

As mentioned earlier, these fries are traditionally heavily seasoned. Because of this, their dipability ranking suffers. They taste just as good without any added sauces, so why bother ruining their unique flavor with things like barbeque sauce and ketchup.

Overall: 9/10

I know what you’re thinking: “A 9/10 for a fry that got a 2/10 and a 5/10. It may not stack up on paper. But these might be my favorite fries just based on taste. They are consistent and are frequently featured on the lunch menu. Also, even though their dipability rating suffered, they make up for it in taste with their quaint size and seasoning.

#3. Steak Fries

Amount of fries per boat: 3/10

The Chaminade steak fries are the ones that most frequently shortchange innocent Chaminade students. The bang for your buck factor on these fries is one of the worst when it comes to Chaminade fries. Although these fries are the largest in terms of size, the amount of them in the boat never fails to disappoint.

Seasoning: 4/10

Plain and simple (just like these fries) they are pretty bland. If you are a fan of seasoning, I would definitely consider adding some salt.

Potato content: 9/10

If you are a fan of very “potato-y” fries, then these are the fries for you. Often times I find the potato content overwhelming, but if that is your thing, you will really enjoy the Chaminade steak fries.

Dipability: 10/10

These fries perhaps the most dipable fries on campus. The sheer potato amount alone almost begs for these fries to be dipped on something, just so you’re not munching our pure bland potato. I have found that they tasted especially good with a lot of ketchup but other sauces might be just as tasty. Steak fry days are perhaps the only days where I fill up 2 sauce boats with ketchup.

Overall: 6/10

I definitely do not grumble when I see that its steak fry day in the cafeteria. They are actually pretty tasty when served with ketchup, but because of the large potato content, can be undercooked and soggy. And if you get down to senior lunch late and find the ketchup dispensers empty then you might as well throw the fries away because they are bland with that very little amount of seasoning.

#4. Curly fries

Amount of fries per boat: 10/10

Traditionally, the amount of fries in the curly fry boat is ludacris. Because of their curly structure, they can fit so many in one boat at a time. One could use curly fries as their only side and be satisfied. For this reason, they deserve a 10/10 in my opinion.

Seasoning: 9/10

A staple of curly fries is their surplus of seasoning. These fries offer something extra in the seasoning department that set them apart from any other fry. Because of this extra seasoning, they might not need as much ketchup or salt to supplement for a lack of flavor, so if you’re not particularly a ketchup fan, this fry is for you.

Potato Content: 3/10

If you like a very potatoe-y fry, then this fry is definitely not for you. The crispy-ness of the curly fries often prevents any strong potato flavor, but this is a strength of the curly fries I think.

Dipability: 4/10

I know many people that will insist that ketchup is a must with the curly fry, however I think that similarly to the shoestring fry, ketchup is not necessary. I will often eat my curly fries without any sauces at all.

Overall: 9/10

These are just very good fries. Very Arby’s esq. They are rarely undercooked or overcooked, and the bang for your buck value is incredible. If you’re a fan of seasoned curly fries, you will love Café Moe’s curly fries.

#5. Sweet potato waffle fries

Amount of fries per boat: 6/10

Not much to say here. You get a standard amount of fairly large fries.

Seasoning: 1/10

Being that they are sweet potato fries, they do not have much seasoning at all. It is possible that there is a very slight honey glaze to them but this is not obvious. However, they don’t really need any seasoning to get the sweet potato taste across which is so delicious.

Potato Content: 9/10

The texture of the sweet potato waffle fry is amazing. It gives just the right amount of potato without being overbearing while stilling giving off that signature sweet potato flavor.

Dipability: 0/10

I have never known anyone to dip their sweet potato fries in any sort of sauce. For this reason, their dipability rating suffers but this will not have a negative reflection on their overall rating.

Overall: 9/10

I knew that it would be a hot take to put these on here, however, there is no objective evidence to point out that one fry is better than the others. If you like sweet potato fries, you will probably love these fries, but if you don’t, then you probably won’t. When asked about Chaminade kids eating sweet potato fries at lunch, senior Phil Mullen said, “Not good. Really haven’t seen people eat them. When I do, I see people take a bite and spit it out because they didn’t know it was sweet potato.” This just goes to show how slept on the sweet potato waffle fry is at Chaminade.